A few weeks ago, Oliver and I were missing one of our fur friends, Little Richard. He was a neighborhood cat who adopted us and stuck around.
We’d had him for five years.
But we hadn’t seen him in a week.
The days after his disappearance were challenging. We wanted to stay hopeful, continuing to believe in the possibility that we’d find him.
With each day that passed, we got a little more scared.
My way of showing up in self-care started to change.
See, when my heart’s broken or I’m in grief, my self-care goes out the window.
I didn’t want to eat.
I didn’t want to work.
I didn’t want to take care of myself.
Self-care is the foundation for everything we do, and without it, our ability to be with strong emotions goes downhill.
But in that moment, I just wanted to cry.
Crying can be healthy; but for me, I start tapping at other things that hurt.
When I saw the pattern of shedding self-care, I said, “You know what, this can’t be for nothing, this can’t be in vain.”
I still held on to the possibility that we would find Little Richard.
I was going to create gold in a situation where there was none.
I like to give myself cards, and one of those was “Hang in there.” I wrote “Rescue Mission Little Richard” in it to remind me to take care of myself.
I also made a note to keep breathing.
When we stop breathing, it tells our nervous system to freak out. And I can’t be a good rescuer if my nervous system is freaking out.
I also wrote it’s ok to be ok.
When we’re hurting or full of grief, we feel guilty if we’re not a crying mess the whole time.
But seriously, it’s ok to be ok.
This all happened when I asked the question: “What would amazing self care look like even though I don’t want to?”
That was the gold for me.
No matter what you’re going through, self-care may be the first thing that goes out the window, but it’s what we need most.
I hope this helps you find gold in a place where it’s easy to say there’s none, and it’s an invitation to keep your self-care going.
Oh, and we found Little Richard. I was so relieved to write on social media (in all caps), “LITTLE RICHARD IS HOME,” thanking the supportive people who watched my video about him.
Ask yourself: “What does self care look like when I don’t feel like it?”
