It is not hard to find evidence of the gap between women and men in this world in regards to personal and spiritual growth.
Go to a yoga class – almost always predominantly women.
Look at your social media feeds – How many programs are being promoted for women only? How many for men only? Chances are it looks something like this: Woman only – some to many; Men only – 0.
If you have friends who do any type of transformational work (either personally or as a career) chances are that the vast majority of them are women. Right!
I started noticing this discrepancy years ago and it really bothered me. I had a lot of coaching friends, most of them women, who started posting about all of these amazing workshops they were offering. I would get all excited, with the intention of signing up, only to get to the bottom of the offer to see the message, “For women only.” This happened several times, so I finally reached out to one of the coaches and she gave me a valuable insight. She agreed that men needed these types of offerings but she did not feel qualified to help men in the way she was helping women – specifically saying that as a woman she could not relate to some of the challenges we face as men. That gave me an important perspective – men need help from other men. I realized that this is something that I could do. In fact, I realized it was a calling.
A couple of things that stood out to me then, that I help men with today.
First – I saw how connected to the Divine Feminine many women were, yet even I, as a man with some level of desire to go deep in men’s work and spirituality had no clue about the Divine Masculine. Did it even exist? Of course, I found the answer to be “yes” and I do everything I can to bring awareness of the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine to men – because everyone has access to both of these energies at all times.
Second – I saw and felt the disconnect between the men I knew in real life (especially myself) and what is portrayed in our society as what we should be as men and/or the stereotypical masculine. This is a big one because I now realize there are two issues with that statement.
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The first issue is the use of the word “should”. The need for the word “should” in our vocabulary about ourselves is obsolete. We are all individuals and we have our different characteristics, ways of being, strengths, challenges, things we are here to learn. We are not here to live up to some average ideal. The word average and the word ideal don’t seem to go together but that is what we are doing when we put people and/or ourselves in boxes according to their traits or characteristics and the word “should” almost always is associated with those types of boxes. The word “should” is always an indicator that we are comparing.
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The second issue is the thought of a man trying to live up to some masculine stereotype in this world – and yet our society practically encourages this through how men are portrayed to be in the various types of media – news, entertainment, social. The biggest issue here is that masculine energies are not exclusive to men. Women have access to them too. Just like feminine energies are not exclusive to women. Men have them too. Out of necessity, to get by in this world, women have figured out how to access masculine energies like decisiveness, taking action, discernment. It is time for men to get more in touch with not only the Divine Masculine but also the Divine Feminine. I know personally as a man I want to access more compassion, creativity, and radiance (Divine Feminine energies) just as much as I want to access the Divine Masculine energies I list above. And then there is the fact that A LOT of the stereotypical masculine that is presented through images and expectations of men in today’s media are actually elements of the wounded/toxic masculine. Energies such as forcefulness, being dominating, being manipulative.
In a nutshell, many men are pretty confused regarding all of this.
Men are where they are in this world largely due to the longstanding unreasonable and even unnatural expectations that society has placed on them (men are not inherently less emotional than women for example). Just like women have been hindered greatly by the longstanding unreasonable and unnatural expectations society has placed on them. The difference is that women are doing something about it. Most men are not. And that is where the gap is created.
Men are affected by these societal expectations in all aspects of life – relationships, family, friendships, work/career, etc.
And that is where I come in as a coach and teacher for men. I help men in any or all of these areas where they are ready to learn, grow, and evolve – through workshops, group coaching, and 1:1 coaching.
Women consistently see the need for the services I offer for men (for the men reading this, that statement alone is a huge telltale sign). Women often ask what they can do to get the men in their lives to seek specialized coaching for men. What I have learned is that the kind and direct approach is usually the best.
Something like – “I know you are struggling in this area of life (insert relationship, career, friendships, family, how you fit into this world as a man, direction, motivation, etc.). I care about you and I want you to reach up to your highest potential in following your passions. I want to see you happy, led by joy, calm and relaxed, confident. I know you want this for yourself too. Here is a resource I learned about that might help. (Insert info for the resource(s) of your choice).
As a coach for men, I am such a resource and I have some specific suggestions for any man reading this that has found something that resonates here, or for any woman who knows a man that might find help in working with me.
Finally, one thing I realized recently is how strong having a practice of following your joy can be. It is so strong in fact that following joy is a spiritual practice. This is something I now bring into all of my teaching and coaching offerings. And yes, we can still feel joy now, even in the crazy times we are living in right now. That does not negate the other emotions. We are able to experience multiple emotions at the same time.
It is so fitting to end this guest blog post on the topic of joy. There are several people who have helped me in understanding the importance of connecting with joy and Jenn Shull was one of the first to introduce me to this concept. Thank you Jenn for all of your help through deep stretch yoga, your workshops, and your coaching. Thank you also for the opportunity to guest blog for you!
With much love and joy to you all,
Steve
Steve Strother is founder and coach for men at Finding Men’s Peace. Steve has a passion for helping men live better lives in deeper connection with peace, joy, and their own inner strength. Steve helps men connect to their authentic selves through a process of learning and discovering aspects of masculine archetypes, masculine and feminine energies, building inner strength, following joy as a spiritual practice and more. He does this through group teaching and coaching programs, 1:1 coaching, workshops and eventually retreats (when that can happen again). For men who are curious about how to move out of a place of frustration or overwhelm in their lives, Steve is here to help!
